MABEL_Heart

I thought leadership was for other people-until an encounter with broken relationship showed me a new way to live. I came from a broken family. Since young, I lost my childhood daddy. I lost his love. Facing a totally broken family opened me to what my life could really be. I became self-centred. I made my life busy and busy. I focused on study, don't care others feeling due of losing trust. And kept telling myself, life relied on own-independent. Over the span of twenty-five years, I lived a life unhappy. I couldn't find real joy, real happiness.

I never dreamed that I would find one at twenty-five, I find God. I am transformed, thanks to God. What set me on this path was a simple message on my cell phone, left a question mark in my doubted mind. Until I followed a friend for a movie at a small room of church, I found an answer that I want. An answer I keep asking myself since childhood, what is the real purpose of my life. After few times went to church and listened to pastor's preaching, I was beginning to crystallize a vision for my life. After one year being at church, I was appointed a group leader. This is not I wanted because I have never felt interested in being a group leader. "I don't want to lead." Because really, I can't handle the pressure of it all. I rather to stay at my comfort zone. I think what I enjoyed most was just helping people know themselves better so that they could be more discerning about what they were called to do in life. And I loved my this job, I liked to do good work. But deep down, I had to admit that I didn't like to be a leader.

One grey evening, one short, simple verse was brought in front of me. It went like this, To aspire to leadership is an honourable ambition, 1 Timothy 3:1. Most Christians have reservations about aspiring to leadership. Just, they are unsure about whether it is truly right for a person to want to be a leader. After all, is it not better for the position to seek out the person rather than the person to seek out the position? I used to read a book about being a good leader. It asked me to refer another verse, Jeremiah 45:5. These two verses have brought me a clearer mind. When our ambition is to be effective in the service of God- to realize God's highest potential for our lives-we can keep both of these verses in mind and hold them in tension. I was still not satisfying. I went to find the meaning of a spiritual leader through internet dictionary and I found this as below:-

ThesaurusLegend: Synonyms Related Words Antonyms
Noun
1. spiritual leader - a leader in religious or sacred affairs
leader - a person who rules or guides or inspires others
hazan, cantor - the official of a synagogue who conducts the liturgical part of the service and sings or chants the prayers intended to be performed as solos
Catholicos - the ecclesiastical title of the leaders of the Nestorian and Armenian churches
clergyman, man of the cloth, reverend - a member of the clergy and a spiritual leader of the Christian Church
Evangelist - (when capitalized) any of the spiritual leaders who are assumed to be authors of the Gospels in the New Testament: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
patriarch - title for the heads of the Eastern Orthodox Churches (in Istanbul and Alexandria and Moscow and Jerusalem)
Bishop of Rome, Catholic Pope, Holy Father, pontiff, pope, Roman Catholic Pope, Vicar of Christ - the head of the Roman Catholic Church
non-Christian priest, priest - a person who performs religious duties and ceremonies in a non-Christian religion
rabbi - spiritual leader of a Jewish congregation; qualified to expound and apply Jewish law

I smiled. Because it gave me even blur mind. In my heart was thinking, only God could settle my doubtful mind. And He really made it. He opens my small, narrow mind to become wider. God says, all Christians are called to develop God-given talents, to make the most of their lives, to develop to the fullest their God-given powers and capacities. Another thing, Jesus taught that ambition that centers on the self is wrong. Ambition that centers on the glory of God and welfare of the church is a mighty force for good. A good leader is easily distinguishable by being a role model. Instead of just teaching, a good leader preaches and leads by example. If you come late and expect discipline from your team members, then you can never be a good leader. Leadership is not about exhibiting authority, it is about channelizing resources effectively for a fruitful result. A good leader never demands respect, but earns it. You should have the strength of character and personality to be respected and loved by everyone. A good leader is confident and sure about himself/herself and their work. A good leader is one who has a clear vision about his/her future. You need to be able to effectively bind your team members as a united group.

Waooooo....such a leadership journey to go~ Yet, it is a great journey to go. It is full of exciting, challenging, tough work though, it is fun and enjoyable. It's all depending on what condition you put your heart at. If you put heart at negative side, surely you can't be a leader. However, if you put heart positively, this is a journey you won't regret for the rest of your life. Anyway, I'm loving my way which God leading now. Please, let God's ambition becomes my ambition, this is what I am praying and hoping for the moment...

Thanks for spending your short time reading this simple sharing...

Heart still pounding. Hand still shaking. Another nightmare I have. Everytime I feel hard to give thank to God after I have nightmare. It causes me sick and pain in heart. Sometime even worst, it causes me vomit. Today, my pastor preached a message, “Thanksgiving Keeps Our Focus on God”. It reminds me a lot of things that I forget to give thank to God for His guidance, for His protection, for His goodness and so on. It reminds me to be gratitude attitude.

Do you remember when you were a kid and parents told you, “Say thank you”? You had to say it. Sometimes you had to say thank you for something you really didn’t want or even like. “Say thank you to uncle for that special present.” Everybody’s eyes were on you and you felt like disappearing (if you could), so you’d drop your head and mumble the words into your chest. “Thank you” sounding likes “Thin goo”. Eventually, the “thank you” became deep rooted so that now, if you are at all like me, you say “thank you” almost automatically.

By grace, we move beyond this kind of thank-you. By grace, we find our way to the gratitude attitude that is beyond polite formulas and spring up from the heart as joy, not an automatic reflex. That kind of overflowing joy is what gospel living is all about. I hope that I will discover more of God’s blessing in my life. Just like what pastor said, “Count your blessings”. “Name them one by one, and you will discover what our God had done.”
So if I only sit there or move about grumbling or dissatisfied in this life event, I could miss out in the “purpose” of what God desires in it. Learn to say “THANK YOU” to God during trial time. Thanks Him for allowing this to happened, because His blessings are not far behind. YES, my blessings are not far behind...WOW!!! :z

Oh yeah, finally i also got my own blog. I pray that everyone who read any sharing through this small window will get edifying, motivating and moving on...
There was one day, i was asked to search for some pictures relate four seasons. During surf net finding pictures which almost caused my eyes confuse, i got a revelation.

Children obey instructions from parents. Christians obey the voice of God. Sound like simple and easy. But, hard to act on it. While i was looking those pictures, some even i hard to define whether that is summer or autumn or spring. Confusing my eyes. Then it was just suddenly one question dump into my mind. "Do you ever have seasons in your life when it seems like every time you go to church and every time you spend time in prayer or open the Bible, you receive any revelation from God? Very frankly, i do but also very less. One moment, in spiritually, it may seems like great. Then suddenly, something happens. And, i start drying up in spiritual things. It seems like nothing different what i pray or how much i read the Word. I was becoming so dry my spirit like creaking. Yet, i still didn’t know what the cause was. I was thinking is it any hidden sin in my life i not yet confess? I was praying and asking continuously. I recalled and found the last thing God told me to do that i didn’t do. It’s probably nothing big and may seemingly just a small thing. But, those small small disobedience will dry up the flow of the Spirit. Anyway, come boldly to the throne of God and repent. Then pick up where we left off and do what God directed. So, obeying the voice of Holy Spirit is never a small thing…Even Jesus Himself remained in the will and the love and the peace of the Father. And so He continued the path of obedience, NO MATTER WHAT!! So, we all are called to follow. It’s that simple. :)